Relating to Money

We all relate to money in different ways and this is definitely true with men and women. According to psychology today the leading cause of divorce in the US is because of a conflict with money. Why does money have such a strong influence in our lives? I think it is because there is not an issue in our life that money does not touch. No amount of money in the world is worth losing a marriage or any type of relationship. We spend our time and money on what we value, but sometimes we don’t and that’s when problems come in. The flow of money in a family represents the value system under which that family operates. What you do with money screams loudly who you are. Look at your check book and you will see what is important in your life.
(Majority of Men) see money like a scorecard “I am winning I have more than he does” men look at it in more of a pride issue we think if we are not doing good we are weak and not in control, we don’t need any help! Who needs a stinking map and I don’t care if we are lost we are making good time. We look at an emergency fund as boring, we can do something better with that money.

(Majority of Women) on the other hand see money as security. When they have money they feel like they can supply what the family needs and feel safe. When the money gets low they feel fear or it feels more like terror. It touches women in an emotional place men don’t have. That’s why we don’t get it ladies, take note we don’t know what you are thinking. An emergency fund is the most important key to a marriages financial plan. When men are trying to increase the scorecard and women are in a fearful mood it affects the whole relationship! (Men get an emergency fund and leave it alone, except for emergencies.)

Let’s take for instance shopping men get good deals by negotiating, we want to win the negotiation, Women get good deals by hunting they enjoy the process. They look at every stitch of clothes in the mall buy some and then take them back the next day and start over. We buy it ,hate it, and go buy something else.

Since we don’t know these things about each other when we get married or even after we have been married for years it can cause financial problems and it can get ugly, fast. Since we don’t know how the opposite sex views money we think when we get married the will be just like me!

When a couple has financial problems men lose their self esteem because their scorecard is low and it makes them feel weak and like a loser. We don’t feel like that knight in shinning armor we think, that you think we are. Yes ladies deep down we still want to always impress you. That may cause us to go spend money we don’t have or do other things to make us feel good about ourselves again.

Women face that fear or terror that we spoke about earlier. Money represents security they get nervous and have to talk about it, a lot, so guys hang in there it’s a storm of words but they need to get it out and we need to listen and not try to come up with a quick fix, but do a real fix and show them that we are with them and going to get through it.
Ladies You man does not need to be chewed out about doing something dumb with money he knows he done it just make a plan to not do it again. His armor is stiff and dirty and he does not feel like he is a courageous knight. He needs to know that you still believe in him and respect him.

Guys: Like we said earlier let her get it out by talking and she also needs 6-10 extra non sexual hugs a day. That helps her feel secure and that she is not in it by herself.

The biggest thing we need to remember when we relate to money and our relationships is that we need to be on the same page and we need to have good communication. When you are married there is no his money and her money it’s our money. If you keep these things from each other you will keep other things secret to.

Make an agreement to not spend a certain amount of money unless both of you agree on it. I have found out that when my wife gets that womens intuition, another thing men dont understand, and I do it anyway, spend the money, it cost two to three times what it would if I would have listened.

Its worth your time to and your marriage to learn to relate in your financial lives . When you do you will eliminate the biggest reason to have a fight, and that will leave time to argue about the toilet seat.

What are you missing out on?

Debt, yeah I know you are sick of hearing the word but we could use other terms instead of debt, the first one that comes to mind is slave. Proverbs 22:7 says the rich rules over the poor and borrower is slave to the lender. Once that term settled in I got depressed. Then I went to work on eliminating it, but it takes time to get there. Lets look at debt and get some truth to what it really is. You hear some say debt is a tool you also see shop teachers with missing fingers, they lost control over that "tool" and it cost them. You cant dig your way out of a hole so borrowing just keeps you a slave. The banks dont lend money for a ministry, they get rich off of it. Look at the size of the bank buildings compared to your house. Dont get me wrong they should make money but so should you, and paying them all that interest makes them money from you, so lets reduce at minumun and eliminate it for the best result. I know we get affluenza "they have a new car and boat so should I!" I want you to have stuff but the stuff should not have you, and when you go in debt for it you are working to keep it, start saving for it, create a plan to get there and then you can enjoy it more. A car and a boat drives much better when its not dragging a payment book behind it. Think about this if you ask yourself look what I am missing if I dont get a loan and buy that "thingy" that I want. Heres what you get when you dont have debt, freedom from banks and credit cards, sleep, money and happiness. You cant finance these things and when your in debt you wind up missing alot! Just think what our country is missing with its 13 trillion dollar debt. So get a plan and let me know if I can help you with your plan.

Help I am getting laid off!

This is not the greatest news one can get in a day but some of us have to deal with it. So what do we do when we get the dreaded pink slip? First we can understand a little panic, but get it under control as quick as you can. Hey maybe God wants to do something different in your life and, if you are like me, it takes a big jolt to get me there. I like the saying about one set of footprints in the sand and thats where Jesus was carrying me. The same is true for me, but mine has claw marks sometimes where He has to drag me to get me there. One thing to do is get a plan of action, cut all of your unnecessary expenses, eating out, gym membership,entertainment, the nails, every weekend golf etc. Remember its not permenant you will survive until you get back on your feet. Don't cancel insurances, you will still need them, make them the last things to go only if you have to. Get a quick job of some sort, you may have to swallow your pride but it will help meet your basics, food clothing, shelter transportation and untilities. Don't vary your schedule, the 40 hours you were working take this time to find other employment. Update your resume be strategic for the different jobs you apply for be proactive in the job search. Exercise, walk, run do some pushups, it keeps you fresh and helps keep you from getting depressed. Give some time at a charity or help a neighbor, it gets your mind off of your self and what you are going through. Execute your plan and remember live in the day that you have, if you are anxious you are living in the future, if your depressed you are living in the past. Meet the days challenges and plan for tomorrow. Most important pray! God always takes care of His children! Dont just sit around waiting for something to happen be proactive and get some action going.

Buying a House

Its summertime and you may have that itch to move. You may be moving in to your first house, or you may be moving into a bigger house or changing school districts. Whatever the case may be you want your move to go as smoothly as possible and you want your new place to be a blessing and not a headache. You surely dont want to be in the foreclosure statistic pile that we are seeing. Right now is a great time to buy a house, if you can afford it. Here are a few tips if you think you may be wanting to move: Be out of debt!! Do you know how much easier it is when your house payment comes in and utilities and they are not followed by a personal loan, three credit card bills and a car payment. Get these things out of the way and enjoy your house! Before you buy have an emergency fund of 3 to 6 months living expenses. Emergencies do happen and its nice when you have the money to pay for them. Have a 20% down payment or if you are really hard core you can go for the 100% down payment! Do your best to stick at a 15 year fixed rate mortgage where the payments are around 25% of your take home pay. Stay away from "creative financing", we see what it done to home owners. Fixed rate mortgages are the way to go and at 15 years. Also dont get the "if you die your mortgage will be paid for" insurance. Instead get 8-10 times your yearly income in term life insurance, its cheaper and will take care of your family if something happens to you. Buy a house either with your husband or wife, or by yourself. You dont need a partner. If the relationship falls apart it will get ugly fast. If you are thinking ,I cant buy if I go by theses rules I dont have the 20% or I cant afford a 15 year mortgage, then maybe you need to wait on the largest purchase of you life. Dont worry they are not going to run out of houses anytime soon.