Relating to Money

We all relate to money in different ways and this is definitely true with men and women. According to psychology today the leading cause of divorce in the US is because of a conflict with money. Why does money have such a strong influence in our lives? I think it is because there is not an issue in our life that money does not touch. No amount of money in the world is worth losing a marriage or any type of relationship. We spend our time and money on what we value, but sometimes we don’t and that’s when problems come in. The flow of money in a family represents the value system under which that family operates. What you do with money screams loudly who you are. Look at your check book and you will see what is important in your life.
(Majority of Men) see money like a scorecard “I am winning I have more than he does” men look at it in more of a pride issue we think if we are not doing good we are weak and not in control, we don’t need any help! Who needs a stinking map and I don’t care if we are lost we are making good time. We look at an emergency fund as boring, we can do something better with that money.

(Majority of Women) on the other hand see money as security. When they have money they feel like they can supply what the family needs and feel safe. When the money gets low they feel fear or it feels more like terror. It touches women in an emotional place men don’t have. That’s why we don’t get it ladies, take note we don’t know what you are thinking. An emergency fund is the most important key to a marriages financial plan. When men are trying to increase the scorecard and women are in a fearful mood it affects the whole relationship! (Men get an emergency fund and leave it alone, except for emergencies.)

Let’s take for instance shopping men get good deals by negotiating, we want to win the negotiation, Women get good deals by hunting they enjoy the process. They look at every stitch of clothes in the mall buy some and then take them back the next day and start over. We buy it ,hate it, and go buy something else.

Since we don’t know these things about each other when we get married or even after we have been married for years it can cause financial problems and it can get ugly, fast. Since we don’t know how the opposite sex views money we think when we get married the will be just like me!

When a couple has financial problems men lose their self esteem because their scorecard is low and it makes them feel weak and like a loser. We don’t feel like that knight in shinning armor we think, that you think we are. Yes ladies deep down we still want to always impress you. That may cause us to go spend money we don’t have or do other things to make us feel good about ourselves again.

Women face that fear or terror that we spoke about earlier. Money represents security they get nervous and have to talk about it, a lot, so guys hang in there it’s a storm of words but they need to get it out and we need to listen and not try to come up with a quick fix, but do a real fix and show them that we are with them and going to get through it.
Ladies You man does not need to be chewed out about doing something dumb with money he knows he done it just make a plan to not do it again. His armor is stiff and dirty and he does not feel like he is a courageous knight. He needs to know that you still believe in him and respect him.

Guys: Like we said earlier let her get it out by talking and she also needs 6-10 extra non sexual hugs a day. That helps her feel secure and that she is not in it by herself.

The biggest thing we need to remember when we relate to money and our relationships is that we need to be on the same page and we need to have good communication. When you are married there is no his money and her money it’s our money. If you keep these things from each other you will keep other things secret to.

Make an agreement to not spend a certain amount of money unless both of you agree on it. I have found out that when my wife gets that womens intuition, another thing men dont understand, and I do it anyway, spend the money, it cost two to three times what it would if I would have listened.

Its worth your time to and your marriage to learn to relate in your financial lives . When you do you will eliminate the biggest reason to have a fight, and that will leave time to argue about the toilet seat.